But the main point was that pastors are great at giving empathy to others, but don’t receive empathy very well. In fact, pastors avoid empathy and help from others.

How many times per week do you have a conversation to help someone else?

How many times per week do you have a conversation about your own needs?

Those are some good questions to think about before you end up in total burnout and end up good for nothing in giving empathy anyways.

On a side note – I like Townsend. After hearing Andy Stanley it was crazy to see how similar their delivery is. They both have a bit of a southern/texas accent. They both are pretty laid back while being incredibly engaging. I enjoy them both a ton.

Ted & Gayle Haggard
On Tuesday afternoon at the Q Conference, Ted & Gayle Haggard were interviewed. Gabe Lyons opened the session by asking us not to blog or twitter or publicly talk about the interview, and that no members of the press were allowed in the room.

Following the interview, I was in a Q&A session with Mike Foster (one of the moderators of the conference). He informed us that Ted & Gayle asked Q to reconsider that restriction of silence. He said they wanted their story to be dispersed. Mike said, “So please feel free to blog or talk about your experience in the session.”

The session began with a 5-minute video condensed from the documentary called HBO: The Trials of Ted Haggard. Then the interview began. First some quotes…then my thoughts:

Ted: I put my friendships at risk. Some couldn’t respond well, that wasn’t their fault, that was my fault.

Ted: If people hate me, that’s just. If they are kind and accepting, that’s grace. I don’t judge those who are mean. I’m grateful for those who kind.
Gayle: I could look at this man I love and know that this struggle isn’t all that there is to him. I wasn’t going to let my new knowledge of this sin destroy everything we had built.
Gayle: I knew as a believer I am to forgive and love. I found as I chose to forgive, I would heal. And as I got angry, I would hurt more and spiral down. He didn’t need me to tell him how much I hurt him, cause he already knew that. He needed my grace.
Ted: Very few believers gave me a second chance. It was Alexander Pelosi (film maker), Oprah and Larry King who gave me my second chances. I had some advocates, but they weren’t the believers.
Ted: At one point, I became suicidal and discouraged, not because of the process, but because I asked for help and the church wasn’t there. It caused me to question whether the church believed the gospel.
Ted: Before my fall, I had tried to tell people, they didn’t help me. I regret that the responses were so empty.
Gayle: Our real struggle was against particular leaders. The individuals in the church were mostly very kind and forgiving. But some of the leaders and decision makers felt we needed to be gone. That was excruciatingly painful.
I had lots of thoughts as I listened to the interview. The video seemed very produced and staged…like a Ted Haggard commercial, not an unbiased documentary. He also came across very bitter at the church which “exiled” his family. To be fair, I haven’t seen the entire video–just the condensed portion they chose to show us.

However, in the interview itself, Ted came across mostly repentant and remorseful. I wondered why the difference from the video. I found out later the documentary was filmed over a period of time throughout 2007 and 2008 so didn’t necessarily reflect his current thinking. I was glad to hear that he was now accepting more responsibility.

There was still a little bit of a self-focused victim-mindset by both he and Gayle in that they were wronged and hurt by the leaders of the church which bothered me a bit. I can’t see their hearts, but I’d love to see that completely dealt with before they go public with their ministry. Even their newly designed website seems to explain away the fall as something that happened “to” him, not because of his choices: “Ted Haggard suffered a personal and family crisis causing him to resign from his positions.” It would be great if 100% of the focus of their story was on Ted, his sin, his journey of healing, and the efforts to hold his family together.

I guess I wasn’t the only one who walked away with those thoughts. As I sat in a discussion immediately following the interview with 20 leaders from the conference, several expressed anger or frustration with a church who would treat Ted and Gayle that way. Yet, I couldn’t help but think of the 14,000 church members who were betrayed by their leader in November 2006 and the healing that had to take place for the entire community.

Ted and Gayle have moved back to Colorado Springs, have begun conducting healing meetings in their home, and are actively engaging in speaking opportunities across the nation. My sincere prayer is that their reemergence into the public eye does not come too fast or furious, lest the trappings of ministry and the glare of the spotlight short circuit the continued healing process.

He said that if you work with your hands, you should relax with your mind. Examples – reading, web surfing, blogging, writing, Sudoku, puzzles, etc

If you work with your mind, you should relax with your hands. Examples – gardening, guitar, woodworking, etc.

I’m curious of some other ways that I could relax with my hands. I like reading, web surfing, blogging and watching TV. I don’t want to garden or woodwork at night after a day at the office. What should I do?

Then we had an incredible picnic of fried chicken, potato salad, watermelon, deviled eggs, coleslaw and biscuits. We ate while we shared ways that God has worked in different ministries over the last few months.

Then we played fun park games like bocce ball, croquet, soccer, ultimate frisbee, and softball. Some just chilled out in a beach chair in the shade.

It was a great day. I know I enjoyed it. Bonding and staff unity are very important things to me. I know that after a continued habit of these kind of days we will support each other through any hard times to come.

I will post the details afterward because it’s a surprise to the staff of where we are going.

I love serving under Dave. He is just so solid. He is a rock. He doesn’t move too swiftly in any direction. He thinks things through carefully and also knows how he wants something done for most areas of ministry. If he doesn’t know, he is humble and smart enough to accept the guidance of an expert in that field – children’s ministry, students, recovery, etc. He is also the kind of man that can blurt a Scripture reference out for almost any topic. He knows the words and reference to verses on everything. I’m always amazed.

So I’m glad for the Diddy to come home tomorrow, but I also know I have grown through the time of his absence. It’s like growing up.

I’m about 9 months into this new position of Exec Pastor of Ministry and I am starting to feel more comfortable in it while always wanting to be a learning and growing person. I’m looking forward to January when I have been in it for one year and have done everything that takes place regularly one time in this role and most of the new things have launched. Then it will be time to start working on the next new things. I always want to grow and change and get better at life and ministry. Never stop growing. Never stop changing. Once you stop, you’re dead. You are boring, stale, old, and dead. So don’t get too comfortable. Don’t stop.

Ryan is an awesome guy, a great communicator, and seems like  he will be a great fit for our team. We are definitely excited to see him and his wife Lindsay move out here from Chandler, Arizona. And guess what, he is also a blogger. I think the HS students will be super pumped up to hear the news tonight.

This has made me think about our team at Calvary Church and I just feel like it’s an All Star crew. I’m so excited for the future of our church. We have people serving exactly where they should be and I love it. I hope this doesn’t sound weird or crass, but it kind of made me think like if this was my fantasy team in baseball, I would dominate the league. Ministry is not a competition with other churches so that analogy doesn’t work super well, but I just want to say that I love our team.

I’m taking the Pastor/Director staff of our church on a day away. These things have been my brainchild and I’m really looking forward to it. Today will be a combination of team building, fun, and spiritual focus for our pastors. What are we going to do?
We are meeting at the Santa Ana Train Station at 8:30am. Most people have no idea what we are doing from there.

We will go to Union Station in Los Angeles and then walk to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels. It’s a beautiful place with amazing art and great peaceful space both indoors and outdoors. We will have everyone spend a good chunk of time alone with God while we are there as well as just have time to check it out. I prepared a meditation on passages in the Bible on prayer.

Then we will walk down to Olvera Street and have a contest on who can buy the coolest cheesy trinket for $3. That was Michael’s idea and I loved it. Then we will eat at a little Mexican restaurant on Olvera Street.

Finally we will head home on the train with some directed questions for people to discuss with others they don’t normally work with. It should be good. I will give you an update later.

Lately I have been thinking about the concept of change. We have had a lot of change at Calvary Church recently and it has been personally beneficial for me so it has been easy for me to accept. I like change most of the time as well so I’m not always the best barometer of how change is felt by a larger group.

But the thing that baffles my mind is when people are unwilling to even discuss change or when change bothers people to the point of visible anger.

My Reminders to Myself (and advice to others) About Change:

1. Listen to the concept, breathe, think, pray, breathe again, think again, and then potentially respond.
2. Examine my reasons and motives for the change bothering me. (I have felt someone discussing a change bother me instantly and I feel a combination of mad and hurt at the same time. Most of the time, it’s a selfish reason.)
3. Never shut something down instantly. Be willing to discuss anything. Yes, I said anything. Even the most heretical notions can be discussed for the purpose of greater clarity and buy-in from all parties. Sometimes the thing we think is wrong could very well be the truth.
4. Let Scripture speak to issues it speaks about. Don’t try to make it speak to things it doesn’t speak about.
5. Remember that almost all method and style issues will change eventually.
6. Remember that Christ is King, not me.
7. Truly consider what will bring God the most glory and the most positive impact on our church (or whatever organization).

Those are the things that pop into my head now. Change is healthy and good. What is the most healthy thing is the willingness to discuss change rationally and with love and respect for everyone involved.

“I believe there are five phrases that we should NEVER hear from someone on staff.”

#1 – “That’s Not My Job.”

When a staff member is asked to do something and they reply, “That’s not my job,” then you can be assured that he/she does not have a heart that is fully devoted to the ministry.

The staff we have here at NewSpring Church walk around with fire in their eyes…and when asked to do something they just make it happen. Now…I have seen this abused & do not think ANYONE should allow themselves to be ran over; however, when asked to do something that might not serve the person BUT WILL SERVE THE CHURCH…the answer should always be yes.

#2 – “That Can’t Be Done.”

I have noticed something about staff members that say something cannot be done…USUALLY the ones who say that are the ones who are going to be asked to do the particular project they are freaking out about…and it will require tons of work…SO, they just say it can’t be done.

I have a rule…I don’t ever want to hear can’t be done. One of the best people on the planet at this is Ken! He is one of the founding members of NewSpring Church as was hired to come on staff in 2002. I’ve NEVER heard him say, “we can’t do that!” HOWEVER…

He is realistic with me–he has often said, “Now we CAN do that…but it will require such and such and we don’t have that–and if we want it then it is going to cost this…so what do you want to do?” I LOVE HIS ATTITUDE!

Trust me, when a staff member continually says that something cannot be done they either have a lazy work ethic OR a very small view of who God is…neither are beneficial for your team.

#3 – “All I Need Is More Staff & Money To Make This Happen.”

When people begin to use resources as an excuse for a stagnant or failing ministry then you can be sure they are in trouble and have most likely became spoiled, thus forgetting the art of being innovative.

#4 – “Recognize Me!”

Beware of the staff member who is always telling you how much work they did, how many hours they put in and how tired they are.

HOLD ON…as a leader it is our job to make sure that staff members are not sacrificed on the alter of ministry. We should pay them well and make sure they have adequate time off. More often than not we have to FORCE people around here to take time off.

BUT…when someone is always demanding attention for the work they’ve done then you can be sure that either pride or insecurity is coming out…and neither are good!

#5 – “My ministry needs BLANK to…and if we don’t get it then…”

When a staff member begins to focus on his/her ministry more than the church as a whole…trust me, you have a HUGE problem.

A good staff member does have passion and vision for their particular area of ministry; however, they have an even greater passion for the church as a whole and will gladly lay aside their plans if it means that it is best for the church.

The church will either operate as a loosely organized group of sub ministries…OR ONE BODY with many parts…and if a staff member cannot be a part of the body then they most likely do not have a kingdom mindset.